Sunday, May 6, 2007

The end... or IS it? Wait, yes, it's the end.

Friends, we've traveled a long, perplexing road in the last month-and-a-half. We've watched Arvis find his long-absent (J), gloriously transform into Jarvis, and then morph inexplicably back into Arvis... sometimes on a shot-by-shot (or brick-by-brick) basis. Our faith in his god-like powers has been dealt some tremendous blows, certainly; but it has never wavered. No one knows whether the same is true for the Wizards' front office. The next season may see our hero plying his trade in a foreign city, under the merciless scrutiny of unfriendly eyes - eyes that have never seen this blog, and therefore know not the plight of the (J). I believe that I speak for all Wizards fans - all REAL Wizards fans - when I cry, "Say it ain't so!" Here's to another season of sweet (J)s and sick elevation. Regardless of what happens, I feel confident that J/arvis will use his off-season "constructively"; a little bird tells me, in fact, that Jimmy Carter's got him Housing Humanity down in Biloxi. Peace.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Ode to a Free Throw. A Poem by Etan Thomas

My dreadlocks are heavy
I'm bigger than average
I'm a failure.

Getting better...

They made a game of it this time, but still no W. Will Caron's return to the bench lead them to victory?

Stat line:
5 points
4 rebounds
1 assist
2 steals
1 block

2/13 FG
1/4 3PT

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Poll Pot

In these troubled times, the true blue Wizards fan occasionally needs a momentary distraction from the waking nightmare that constitutes his daily existence. In that spirit, I would like to offer the first-ever Arvinomics Reader Poll. (Literally, we have one reader, and it's you - so you'd better vote.) Anyone who has played Wii Sports is familiar with the Boxing trainer. I wanted to get a picture of him getting punched in the face, but this was the best I could do on short notice:

Into the wee hours have Fnology and I argued over the true identity of this mysterious shiny-pated sage. Does he represent our patron saint, (J)arvis Hayes? Or could he be the venerable Michael Wilbon, dispenser of sporting wisdom to the unwashed masses? Or, is he perhaps Zacarias Moussaoui, that implacable foe of freedom and load-bearing steel columns? You be the judge:

(I know, I should have used a (J)arvis pic where he has a shaved head, but I am just such a huge fan of that "come hither" expression, knowhamsay'n?) Leave your vote as a comment. Write-in candidates permitted.

I've included a bonus poll because I'm in such a goshdarned good mood. If you could have on your bedroom wall either:

A) an autographed poster of (J)arvis or
B) an autographed poster of God

which would you choose? And no, this is not a trick question, despite what you might think.

As for me, I actually keep an autographed poster from (J)arvis and one from God right next to each other on the ceiling. Sometimes, late at night, when the scented candles are burning low and the reception on the scrambled Cinemax is not so good, I'll lie on my back looking up at the twin pillars of my faith. Slowly, slowly, I cross my eyes: (J)arvis and the Almighty move towards one another in imperceptible increments; their countenances overlap; and then, in a blinding instant, God and Man are One, as Meister Eckhart envisioned so many centuries ago. Man and the Godhead, united as a single entity - the Manhead. I sink into gentle oblivion, visions of the Manhead frolicking in my brain.

Leave your vote as a comment.

Queen LeTravel

How come no one in the media has mentioned the egregiously terrible foul call on Etan Thomas when LeBron landed on his foot and sprained his ankle? I have to figure out how to get the video off of my DVR and onto the Internet, because it's completely ridiculous. It goes like this: LeBron shoots, lands on Etan's foot and falls over. The basket goes in, the Wizards retrieve the ball and inbound it. The referee watches the inbounds and turns to move up court when he spots a writhing LeBron James on the floor. He then blows his whistle and calls a foul because hey, it's not like LeBron has ever gone down without contact before. I think David Stern needs to start spreading around the suspensions because Joey Crawford is not the only referee who's out of control.

At least he didn't travel his way to the game-winner this time, so I guess that's an improvement.

Interlude

Despite all the news outlets' comments to the contrary, I still firmly believe we will see the return of Caron Butler in these playoffs. But lets focus on the true point of this blog, Mr. Sweet J himself.

Stat line:
18 points
2 rebounds
2 assists

6/15 FG
2/5 3PT

Although the Wizards looked completely overmatched throughout the game, it wasn't a bad game for our hero. He deserves some sort of reward, and fortunately, he has it (courtesy of the DC Sports Bog).