Sweet J brings the D

I second your prediction, but I furthermore predict that (D)arvis guards Queen LeTravel all night long and shuts him down like a brownout in post-Katrina New Orleans. So instead of a stat line for our protagonist, here's one for Monsieur James:

LeBron Buttock:

0/12 FG
1/4 FT
2 reb
1 ast

1 point.

After the game, quoth TheBron: "Man, (J)arvis was all up ons like butter on a muffin. I knew he had a sweet (J), but nobody told me about his tasty (D)."